I’m having the feeling for days. One minute I’m super busy, the next minute I’d become super wistful. I have long tried convincing myself to stop over-analyzing things and to stay away from too much television, because they are make me think unrealistically. I thought I am somewhat successful in doing so, but I also realized how I missed the old times.

I remember some years ago, my friend Rachelle and I were shortly caught up in our respective reveries one evening when she said something like “Alam mo naisip ko lang, sino kaya sa ating magbabarkada ang unang mag-aasawa? Sino yung unang magkaka-baby? Sino ang di magkaka-anak? Sino yung iiwan ng asawa? Sino yung hindi magiging masaya sa pamilya?”

Somehow I was quick to say I’d probably be the one who won’t bear a child. Because back then I thought I’d be having endometriosis or something that would prevent me from giving birth. After all, I’m a certified worry wart and honestly, being one stresses me so much.

What Rachelle probably did not realize was I’d taken her words seriously. Meaning, I looked forward for the characters and see where I’d belong.

Fast forward today, obviously I was wrong for thinking of not going to have a child, because I did give birth to a beautiful baby several months back.

Our lives now have evolved in ways we never imagined. Ways, I have not imagined. Or maybe, it’s only because like I said earlier, I’ve watched too much TV and seen too many things that only happens to the few selected ones.

When I was younger I thought to myself I will have this big, beautiful blue-colored house with white fence. I will get married wearing this beautiful ball gown and my wedding will be attended by family and friends, especially lolo and lola. I will be witnessing every milestone my baby will achieve.

Now I’m thinking, had I daydreamed too much as well? I guess I had, and because things doesn’t seem to be going my way, I’m beginning to fret.

I know there’s proper timing for everything. Or for some, some things just do not happen the way we foresee it. I guess it just validates what I read somewhere, “Lahat pwede, pero hindi lahat DAPAT.”

Sad to say, that is the real world!